From the Globe and Mail:

Canada's 11th province? That would be Michigan

By GEORGE GOLUBOVSKIS

Saturday, November 2, 2002 Print Edition, Page A19

As Michigan gubernatorial candidates Jennifer Granholm and Dick Posthumus debate Michigan values, perhaps the focus of Tuesday's election should be on Up North values. Not Michigan's Up North, but the real Up North: Canada!

Democratic candidate Granholm was born in Canada. Both her supporters and those of her opponent may just want to consider the possible consequences of a Canadian native running Michigan.

Canadians have a mix of British and French traits that both anglophiles and francophiles would appreciate -- and non-monarchists and those who shy away from heavy sauces would detest. These are some Canadianisms that may be implemented with someone of Canadian stock in the governor's mansion.

The University of Michigan cheer "Go Blue!" will be replaced with Sacre bleu! -- especially when dealing with the team's woeful kicking game. Also, sportswriters, please refer to former Michigan coach Bo Schembechler as "Beau."

Deferring to the Canadian policy of bilingualism, it will be acceptable to refer to Michigan town names by their English equivalent. For example, Grosse Ile will also be referred to as "Big Island."

The toll on the Mackinac Bridge at the mouth of Lake Michigan will now be free if you are wearing a Mackinaw jacket. This will be known as the Laissez-faire, mon frere policy. As for the many border crossings between Michigan and Canada, residents of both countries will be able to pass just by showing their Farmer Jack, Kroger's or Meijer's grocery-savings cards.

The state's upper peninsula, known as the U.P. and inhabited by Yoopers, will be given "distinct society" status as enjoyed by the Canadian province of Quebec. Terms such as "ya sure" and "ya betchya" will be replaced, though, by the more Canadian "eh?"

As for the state capital of Lansing, the preferred dog breed of the House of Windsor, the corgi, will be exempt from leash laws, kilts will be acceptable wear and the "Changing of the Guard" will occur daily at Lugnut Stadium.

Curling will be introduced at Michigan State University. In appreciation of that fine institution's agrarian roots, pitchforks can be used instead of brooms.

Henceforth, the Queen or her representative will deliver the annual State of Michigan address. Taxes will now be paid with cheaper Canadian dollars -- including loose change, such the Canadian dollar coin that features a loon; this program will referred to as "Loonies for loonies."

Fishing and hunting licences also will be available in Canadian dollars. However, hunting for Canadian icons, such as beaver and moose, and fishing for the Northern Ontario delicacy of pike will be outlawed. But then, who ever liked pike?

Michigan state troopers will be allowed to use French-inspired Peugots, and urban parking-enforcement officers may now use British-inspired Mini Coopers. My word to Detroit's "Big Three": Watch out, you know what happened when you laughed at imports the last time.

The state motto "If you seek a pleasant Peninsula, look about you" will be amended to include ". . . also consider Ontario's Niagara Peninsula with its waterfalls and fine vineyards!"

All elementary schools without a namesake will be named after Canadian-born Detroit hockey great, Gordie Howe. All towns will change their main street's name to "Gordie Howe Way".

Whew. Isn't that enough to make you put down your hockey stick, raise your glazed donut and vote on Tuesday -- whether you were born in Canada or not?
George Golubovskis was born in Canada, raised in Michigan and works as a consultant in Washington. He is the author of Building a Canadian Brand.

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